5 Montessori-Inspired Lessons for Homeschooling a Child with Autism
By Lara Lee
When my son was diagnosed with autism at five years old, I knew he couldn't attend a traditional school. Even though we had spent time around other children at church, on playdates, at library reading hours, and during mommy-and-me music classes, he had developed a phobia of other children. When a child entered a room, my son would either have a meltdown or curl up on the ground in fear. I realized I had to homeschool him.
My biggest question was, “HOW do I teach this child?”
Notice I didn’t ask, “What do I teach this child?”
The “what” is built into nearly every curriculum. But when I tried to use these “self-teaching” lessons, my son would just sit there, fidgeting, doing nothing I asked.
That’s when I found Maria Montessori’s book, The Absorbent Mind. This wasn’t the Montessori method often associated today with gifted programs. In the early 1900s, Montessori started her career teaching institutionalized children with disabilities. Her students later tested academically higher than many typically developing children of her time. Here are five key lessons I learned from her early work — lessons that changed the way I taught my son:
1) Don’t Do Anything a Child Can Do for Themselves: The Hand-over-Hand Method
This might sound contradictory, but the hand-over-hand method can be a powerful tool to foster independence. You gently guide a child’s hand through an activity — not forcing, but helping.
With my son, I placed a pencil in his hand and guided him to trace letters. As he became more confident, I gradually moved my hand to his wrist, then had him attempt one on his own before assisting with the others.
The goal is to build muscle memory and create neural pathways. Parents use this intuitively when teaching toddlers to wash their hands or brush their teeth. It can also be applied to writing, typing, cutting, and more.
I realized how critical this was when I observed a special education classroom. The teachers were cutting and pasting activities for the students, who simply watched. The students were learning helplessness. They would have benefited far more from having their hands guided to complete the task themselves.
Thanks to this method, my son learned to write in both print and cursive — and today, he loves drawing Sonic characters using online tutorials.
2) Don’t Talk So Much
Montessori once observed a student-teacher explaining what a square was, saying, “Look class! This is a square. It has four straight sides. One, two, three, four…” and so on. The children fidgeted and wandered off.
Montessori then took a red square and a red circle and gave them to the most distracted child:
“This is a square. Say ‘square.’”
“This is a circle. Say ‘circle.’”
“Which one is the square?”
The child answered correctly. Lesson complete.
For special needs children, too much verbal explanation is overwhelming. Cut the fluff. Focus on one concept at a time. If your child learns just one thing per lesson, that’s enough.
3) Children Learn Through Their Senses
Montessori believed children learn best through sensory input — touching, tasting, hearing, and seeing. Even though we have labels like visual, auditory, or kinesthetic learners, research shows that the more senses we engage, the better we learn.
Montessori favored hands-on “toys” over worksheets. She saw play as a child’s work.
This was challenging for me at first. My son disliked crafts and was too distracted by math manipulatives. But we found what worked through trial and error:
Songs with movement, real chores (taught hand-over-hand), science experiments, YouTube videos, games on the tablet, typing, Play-Doh, field trips, flashcards, felt boards, and notebook timelines.
I often turned to TeachersPayTeachers.com to find less talk-heavy, more interactive ways to teach our curriculum. It took prep work — but it made learning possible.
4) Observe and Record Progress
Montessori approached teaching like a scientist — observing and recording what her students were doing. Many of us are familiar with ABA therapy or developmental checklists used by speech and occupational therapists.
I began doing this myself by downloading developmental checklists and checking off skills my son had mastered — not to compare him, but to see what to work on next.
Some lists focused on social skills, others on academic milestones like the Texas TEKS, or speech development benchmarks. I reviewed them monthly, noting dates of new accomplishments and setting new goals based on what was missing.
5) Relationships Are Primary
Above all, Montessori’s teaching was rooted in genuine relationship. She cared for her students, played with them, and taught with passion. Her joy became their motivation.
This reminded me: If you’re excited about what you’re teaching, your child will be too. Don’t force yourself to teach something that bores you. Find a format or approach that both of you can enjoy together.
I hope these lessons from Montessori’s early work help you the way they helped me. With patience, creativity, and a focus on how your child learns — not just what they learn — you can create an educational journey that’s both meaningful and joyful.
